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Dragons. They don't exist. They're myths, just like fairytales, the Loch Ness Monster and the Easter Bunny.[1]

Absolutely wrong. Dragons do exist! Not only that, they are all around us, all the time, operating machinery for our use, observing us at work, and having their own fun while they're at it.

Over the years, many myths about dragons have floated around the research community. "They're invisible." "They're magical." "They ate my jam sandwiches last Saturday."

This book aims to correct these erroneous assumptions, and to give you enough knowledge to know a dragon when you see one. Read on…

Dragon myth: it was once believed that the Refrigerator Dragon was a mischievous beast responsible for nipping out and turning the light on and off inside refrigerators.

It is now known that the Draconae spindilus, a shy, gentle creature, rarely moves from its home. Averaging one foot in body height and plump with shiny ice-blue scales, the dragon fits happily into quite small machinery cavities inside refrigerators.

The dragon lives by breathing in heat from the air, filtering it into energy and breathing out unwanted cold air. In excessively hot conditions, the Refrigerator Dragon expels excess heat through its extremely long tail. The Refrigerator Dragon has been a boon for kitchenware appliance makers since its discovery in 1930.

Small and inoffensive and in appearance much like a badger, the Bad Breath Dragon will creep into an unsuspecting host's mouth when the host is asleep and spend the night there, leaving its mucky odour behind.

Living together, Key-Eater and Back-Slapper dragons are most commonly found in households, although they do live in offices, work sites and sometimes supermarkets. Because of their peculiar habits, these two dragons have formed a symbiotic, or co-dependent, relationship.

The Key-Eating dragon is a metal-eating dragon that particularly loves the taste of keys. Inherently honest, his partner the Back-Slapper dragon tracks down the Key-Eater and hits him on the back until he vomits up the keys - generally about ten minutes after you realised they were missing.

River-Dwelling Horntails are a peaceful breed of dragon whose main occupation is head-butting seagulls.

Breezy Dragonflies, much as their name indicates, are in appearance much like oversized dragonflies. Breezy Dragonflies have the unique ability to play arias of unsurpassed beauty with their wings. They dwell in the foothills of Tibet and for many years were the delight of the Tibetan Buddhist monk monasteries there.

Unfortunately, in the 1700s the dragonflies got hooked on Verdi which, beautiful as it was, really got on the monks' nerves after a while, so the dragons were enclosed in soundproof cages. This practice is now a tradition, and Breezy Dragonflies can only be found if you are prepared to slip a monk a cup of his favourite yak-butter tea.

Speckled Gnats are in appearance, weight, size, colour and just about everything else indistinguishable from a brick. They can be found in the Middle East.

Originally a Scottish sport, Feen Hoonin involves hurling the small Yellow-Striped Feen toward a distant target. The Feen, having been Hooned, clings to the target board as other participants take their turn. Points are then scored on position of Feens (if your Feen has fallen off, blood spatters are acceptable proof).

Professional Feen Hooners have now bred the Feen to display team colours, although the Scottish team's tartan is still in production.

[1] Post-print, Dr. Rottweiller's text Bunnies in the Mist determined that the little known species Bunnius ovocropos, or the Easter Bunny, is located in a remote mountain region in the Alps. The species makes and deposits small chocolate eggs every April as part of a mating ritual. The author would like to apologise for this error.